SLAP! Shots
The Name Game - Friday, November 03, 2006
Many hundreds of common (and even famous) American names are listed in the fed's No Fly List, such as John Smith, Fred Allen, John Williams and Robert Johnson. Naturally, this causes incredible tie-ups and hassles at airports nationwide. However, in a peculiar twist of logic, the names of most all known, under-investigation terrorists are not listed. Wanna know why? Uncle Sam says it's because they don't wanna tip the bad guys off.
Huh?
Where There's No Smoke, There's No Jobs. - Friday, November 03, 2006
Since Scotland's idiotic smoking ban went into full effect, Great Britain's largest bingo chain, Rank, has seen profits plummet by 20%. This has resulted in the company being forced to lay off 200 employees in an effort to make the Nannies happy. Thanks, Scotland....
Sweet Buy-Back Deal. - Friday, November 03, 2006
Sounds like an excellent way to make a few extra bucks for the upcoming holiday season, if you live in Vermont...orthodontist Dan Ryan buys candy from area trick-or-treaters at a buck a pound. He sends the candy to Peace Corp volunteers in Tanzania and makes a matching donation to an area food bank. Last Halloween, Ryan says he collected 200 pounds of sweet stuff.
Is His Willy Da Bomb? - Friday, September 15, 2006
Mardin Amin's penis pump might be da bomb, but it's not a bomb and now he's off the legal hook. A female security guard at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago misunderstood the accented Amin after she inquired about something she fondled in his backpack. The embarrassed Amin whispered it was a "pump" and the guard thought he said "bomb." Amin had been charged with felony disorderly conduct, but now prosecutors have dropped the charges, saying the case didn't warrant any further legal action.
One Coke--Extra-Crispy Please. - Tuesday, September 05, 2006
There are fried Twinkies and even fried candy bars. Now, vendor Abel Gonzales Jr. has come up with a new artery-clogging concoction for the State Fair of Texas. It's Fried Coke. Gonzales deep-fries Coca-Cola flavored batter. He then drizzles Coke fountain syrup on it. The Fried Coke is topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry. Gonzales' diet-buster wins the creativity honor at Big Tex Choice Awards. Shirley London's Fried Praline Perfection wins as the tastiest fried delicacy.
Givin' 'em The Finger - Tuesday, September 05, 2006
This fall, kids in Rome, Georgia, schools will be giving the cafeteria lady the finger...no, not that finger. The school system is switching to a finger-scanning system for students to pay for their meals. Fingerprint scanners are being used to access student account information instead of PIN numbers. Administrators say the new system will help speed lunch lines. Some parents don't like the idea of fingerprints in a computer database. So, school officials say use of the finger scans is optional. Which makes one wonder why go through all the expense in the first place instead of buying, oh, let's say, books?
No Boogie Nights - Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Beijing has banned disco music and "other forms of vulgar entertainment" from clubs and karaoke bars. The move is supposed to help stamp out drug use. Police also plan to conduct random drug tests of club employees, saying that will help reduce drug trafficking. They may be onto something...being exposed to disco music always made me wanna get high in hopes of wiping the memory away.
What's in a Name? - Tuesday, September 05, 2006
New York Judge William P. Polito has denied a request from a transgendered person to change their name. Sarah Rockefeller wants to change his name to Evan, but the Judge sez no, unless Rockefeller can provide medical evidence that he is suffering from gender identity disorder. Polito says allowing the name change without such evidence would be "contrary to the public interest." Rockefeller, who plans to challenge the ruling, says he has never heard of another transgender person being denied a name change.
What's Up, Doc? - Friday, September 01, 2006
Kelly Vinnicombe bought the candy-filled Bugs Bunny water pistol in an airport gift shop. But when the six-year-old and her family tried to board a flight from Cape Town to London, security stopped them and told them they'd have to register the toy as a firearm. After questioning the family for an hour, officials allowed them to board their plane. But not before tagging the water pistol and storing it in a separate part of the plane.
Enforced Décor - Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Broken window shades could earn residents of Euclid, Ohio, up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. A new city ordinance calls for window coverings to work and be hung properly and it bars residents from hanging blankets, garbage bags or other unconventional items over windows. City council members say the law will give the city a nicer image. But one council member denied the rule will turn inspectors into "the fashion police." Only in America, huh? Well, probably not, sadly....
SWAT Team Cracks Up - Friday, August 18, 2006
Steven Blackman returned to his Fort Worth, Texas, home from work to find the tires on his truck punctured, the door to his house knocked down and the house a shambles. All thanks to a Fort Worth Police Department SWAT team. Police officials say they had credible evidence – based on a tip from a "reliable confidential informant"– that Howard Earl Taylor, who is wanted for possession of crack cocaine, lived at that address. Blackman, who has lived in the house for two years, says he'd never seen or even heard of Taylor before the police raid. A police spokesman admits the tip should have been corroborated, but says the SWAT team "did not make a mistake."
There's No Place Like Home - Monday, July 17, 2006
In Great Britain, Dennis Cramp wants his 88-year-old wife Maria to be able to spend her last days with him. The Lancashire County Council social services department stands in his way. Cramp had been told his wife could come home from a nursing home, where she'd spent the past three months. But at the last minute, officials changed their minds. So Cramp went to the nursing home, brought his wife out in a wheelchair and took her home. But within hours the council had a court order giving it legal custody of Mrs. Cramp for six months and took her back to the nursing home. Mr. Cramp was told that if tries to take her home again, he'll be arrested.
