Me For President in 2008

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By: John D. Hamilton

Good morning Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss, G, Dawg, Mate, Amigo, etc. America and all ships at sea. Actually, forget the ships at sea part for now. You guys have laid out a handsome wad of cash for your getaway and the last thing you need is something like this to deal with along with those rolling seas, weird gases, bad seafood and leering stewards. You're excused for now. The rest of you, listen up.

America, regardless of what Karl Rove or Nancy Pelosi tells you, is seriously hosed--and it's largely your fault. You people have insisted upon electing thugs, idiots, con-men and chowderheads as your personal representatives. They lied to you, fleeced you and have taken you for Rubes and patsies at every opportunity while you line up to vote for 'em again and again. Enough is enough. Any of you folks yammering about Fixing America need to put the silly notion that the republicans or democrats will be our saviors out of your minds right now; they're the ones who put us here and naturally they need to perpetuate their Myth.

I'm not looking forward to straightening out your mess, but somebody has to. I'm not gonna lie to you, rip you off or tell you one thing while I do something else. Look, I'm not deluding myself into thinking a person being honest and straight-forward, possessing a clear set of rational goals and ideals can ever hope to get elected today in this country--especially considering all the hoops, unnatural hurdles and strange obstacles the major parties have strewn about to prevent them from being seriously challenged by anyone except One Of Their Own Kind. That's why I am offering myself as an independent write-in candidate as your only option to more of the same. I hold no party affiliation and am beholden to no one except those who still hold the ideals of Individualism, rational and objective law and honest representative government as important. If, through some bizarre twist of fate I end up in Washington, D.C., you'll see some serious ass-kicking going on. Undoubtedly, it'll be my ass getting the majority of the kicks, but so what?

Over the next few weeks and months I am going to spell out exactly what has screwed this country up and exactly what it will take to fix it...and it damn sure isn't either a republican or democratic majority. I'm going to take the wind from the sails of any opponent who takes me seriously by telling you every little thing about myself before they do. For instance, I have smoked marijuana and I did inhale...deeply. But more about all that stuff later. For now, let's get started.

A lot of people seem genuinely confused and agitated when I claim that political parties are all necessarily evil and self-serving...I'll tell you why that's true in this particular installment so that you'll know where I'm coming from. Hopefully, regardless of what you think about me and my chances, you'll at least have a clear grasp of the realities of modern American politics and why the Same Old Same Old is doomed to failure. That in and of itself might be enough to begin stemming the tide....

Political parties operate and exist based upon the irrational assumption that government is the fountain of all rights and responsibilities. This is a clear falsehood perpetuated by the machinery cobbled together by the Status Quo seekers. Government, rationally and objectively, cannot grant any rights at all to anyone. It exists solely to protect the rights each and every one of us have by virtue of our existence. This was the one thing the Founders all knew beyond doubt and which they all agreed upon,

That being the case, there is no need for political parties as such in a free nation based upon the concepts of individual rights and a government which exists solely to protect those rights. After all, if government cannot grant rights, there is nothing to "give away" for votes and other considerations. The government would require us to elect only caretakers...representatives who would look after the machinery of government and nothing else. However, modern American politics is based upon just the opposite. Politicians and their parties claim the right to give and barter money, power, access and "rights" in exchange for votes and furthering their own powerlust and greed. Forget that they rightfully, morally and ethically have nothing to give to anyone that they don't take from someone else by force. Too many people don't care anymore, however; especially if you can convince someone running for office to dish out a little stew for you personally. Politicians are like schoolyard bullies who shakedown other students for their lunch money--and most of us are like the people who simply coughed up instead of standing up for ourselves.

CNN recently ran a series of programmes called "Broken Government." It highlighted the many failures and problems America is now saddled with, but couldn't offer any real, concrete solutions because it failed to address the cause of these problems. American government is "broken" because politicians have asserted that they can, will and somehow must be in a position to grant "rights" as they see fit. Naturally, these "rights" are vapourous, foolish things based upon a fallacy to say the least...they must, therefore, fail.  Any government that claims they have the power to grant made-up "rights" as well as the necessary corollary power of robbing Peter to pay Paul is broken before it buys the first vote.

American government representatives have clear, specific jobs according to the Constitution. Typically, however, the people we hire rip us off, cheat us, don't perform their jobs at all sometimes and screw it up totally when they do. These buffoons wouldn't last a day flipping burgers at McDonalds, for Christ's sake. Can you imagine going into Mc's to order a cheeseburger and end up getting billed for a half-dozen Big Macs, a dozen fries and a eight or ten of those supersize sodas--and then not even getting the cheeseburger? That's what we're getting today for our money from our employees in government, people, and I'm pretty damn tired of it.

I'm tired of grown men and women skulking about like freaks, playing one another against each other and playing everybody against us. I'm tired of assholes tacking "anti-internet gambling" bills into serious legislation for port security, just so some party sychophant can belittle anyone who votes against the bill because of the bullshit it countains for being "soft on terrorism." I'm tired of a legislative branch that feels it simply has to pass laws, any number of them and any quality of them, just so they can claim to be "doing something for" whatever group du jour they're courting for votes.

If we're going to fix America and American government, we simply must return to our roots...to the vision the Founders had for this country. A nation of free individuals dealing with one another openly, without coersion and without petitioning the government for special favours and made-up "rights" and privileges. For example, there is no such thing as a "right" to health care...there is only the voluntary interaction between someone offering medical skills to those who require them. The idea that that people have a "right" to such a thing is totally bogus and a couple of steps below ignorant. To be true, it means that there is someone bound into slavery--to be forced to provide it to anyone who lays a claim. What you never hear explained or even openly discussed is Who are the slavemasters and How will they coerce doctors to attend the slavemasters whims?

As a candidate for president, I would make it my goal to eliminate politics from American government by asserting the fact that the only power government has is the power we delegate to it. It can have no greater rights than any single one of us. None of us has the power, or the "right," to grant rights to anyone else. Since they are already ours (and everyone elses) by virtue of our very existence and since we are government, government cannot possibly have greater rights, privileges and/or power than the lowliest street sweeper or the most successful businessperson. Anyone who claims otherwise doesn't understand the concept of a proper government to say the least...and is probably nothing more than a hubris-filled power-junkie. In either case, they aren't fit to shine our shoes or hold a job as a bathroom attendent, much less represent us in government

The only way to fix America is for us to take back our power and make sure that the people we elect to be caretakers for our system of government remember clearly and concisely who really holds the power and why. As your president I would expect nothing less.